Deployments have
their ups and downs. One huge “up” is R&R. These days with
deployments being shortened to 9 months, not everyone gets it. Those
of us lucky(?) enough to still do a year do get that time to
reconnect with our spouse. During this particular deployment, R&R
came just 4 months in – not exactly ideal if you're trying to break
up the time. But God knew this was the perfect time for us. It was
over Thanksgiving and just before Christmas, easy enough to celebrate
both (which we did). For our little family, this meant a lot of fun
packed into 2 weeks. Not only that, but being that we live in a
state with bipolar weather patterns, we had days warm enough to go to
the zoo and cold enough to play in the snow. The Lord orchestrated
every moment, every detail to bring us closer together as a family.
If you ever doubt how intimately God is involved in your life, I can
give you several examples of how closely connected He is to our
goings and comings.
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| Picking Daddy up from the airport |
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| Zoo Fun |
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| Snow Day |
Yet even before R&R
started, I dreaded the end. I worried how DD would react to DH
leaving again. I stressed over how I would cope and get back to our
routine. I bemoaned the fact that we weren't even halfway through
this thing, and it would be quite a few more months (double what we'd
already done, in fact) before we were reunited. I did not want to
miss the joy, the connection, the memories, but my emotions
overwhelmed me when I thought beyond the present moment.
Then I
realized. I had to live R&R the same way I live every other day
of this deployment – one day at a time. There simply is no other
way to live, even when it's a “good” time. If I thought of the
end, I wouldn't get to experience the elation of the beginning. If I
thought of the goodbye, I wouldn't be able to revel in the
anticipation of the welcome home. I had to make a conscious effort
not to think beyond the present. It was hard, especially for a
planner like me. There were times I would have to physically move to
change my thoughts. But when I lived that day and that day only, I
was so much happier, so much more content, so much more thankful, so
much more present. My husband was appreciative too. He doesn't want
to be reminded that he has to go back. Who does?!
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| Early Christmas |
God continues to
teach me (even in the good times) to rely on Him – not on
circumstances, not on people, definitely not on feelings, not even on
facts. He is the only One who can sustain me through the ebb and
flow of life and keep me whole (/sane!) But I have to make the
choice to surrender to Him, to look at just what He puts in front of
me – not what's behind or 5 days in the future – and I have to
look at how His hand never lets go of me, no matter how hard (or
easy) it looks. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb 13:8). And
He will never leave me (Deut 31:6). Not when it's good, not when it's bad, not
when it's easy, not when it's hard. Not when DH deploys, not during
R&R, not when DH goes back, not when DH comes home. Never,
never, never.
