Many babies, if not all, have reflux to some
extent. However, when DD was around 5
weeks old, I noticed long bouts of crying after eating, arching her back,
thrusting her tongue, and swallowing after burping. She was not one to throw up everything she ate
every time she ate. She was more of a
silent spitter, although there were times when she would seem to expel anything
in her tiny stomach.
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Since I had a friend (my former battle buddy)
with a daughter who was almost a year older than mine who experienced
horrendous consequences as a result of GERD (gastro esophageal reflux disease),
I was very concerned this was happening to us.
Although, it was confusing because my DD wasn’t throwing up everything
every meal as my friend’s daughter had done.
But I typed her symptoms into YouTube and saw babies acting the same way
as my sweet girl. In the comments,
reflux or GERD was diagnosed. So I booked an appointment with a pediatrician
and explained DD’s symptoms. The doctor
agreed it sounded like reflux and prescribed Zantac. She also advised me to add rice cereal to the
bottles to thicken the milk.
I
noticed a slight improvement over the first few weeks, but my DD continued to
act uncomfortable and had slow weight gain.
She would go hours without eating anything, and I didn’t know what to
do.
I
was still dealing with the effects of not being able to breastfeed, and now I
couldn’t even get my daughter to eat.
Not only that but her sleep was drastically interrupted day and night by
what I could only assume was the acid in her stomach. I found, however, that if I put her in her
car seat attached to the stroller, and rocked her, I could get her to
sleep. So this is how we got her to
sleep for naps for the first 8 months of her life. These naps would often only last 30 minutes,
and then it seemed she was just too uncomfortable to sleep any more.
I
was exhausted and begged God to help us.
I stopped going to Bible study because it was too hard to get DD to
sleep, and I could barely function on the little sleep I got. I prayed over and over that God would mature
DD’s sphincter muscle or whatever was causing her such pain, but it seemed no
relief was in sight. I tried going off
dairy, convincing myself that something was bad in my milk, but we didn’t
notice a difference.
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I
went back to the pediatrician who graciously referred us to a pediatric
gastroenterologist and a feeding clinic.
I called both immediately but neither could see us for 2 months. It was a long wait! I did not have much faith that a feeding
clinic could help us but I figured the GI could do something. In the meantime, they switched my daughter to
Nexium where I again saw a small improvement.
The
feeding clinic appointment happened first, and I was pleasantly surprised by
the suggestions and feedback I received.
It was a gift from God! They
encouraged me that I was a good mom and was taking excellent care of my
daughter, even though I broke down in tears, feeling as though I failed at
every turn. The words of this
pediatrician, orthopedic therapist, speech therapist, and nutritionist did
bolster my confidence. I began
implementing their suggestions right away.
They said if within two weeks, I saw no improvement, to call back and
they would begin seeing us weekly.
Well,
2 weeks later, I thought there was some improvement. There was.
Some. I was beginning to find
out, we were in a cycle. Things would improve just enough that I’d regain hope
and think we’d found a solution only to be slapped in the face a month later
with the realization that things were still not as they should be. DD hated the bottle and it was a challenge
just to get her to take 3 ounces!
The
next appointment was with the GI who suggested it could be an allergy. He told me I could go on an elimination diet
(since I was still pumping) or try a hypoallergenic formula. All the emotions of my failure to breastfeed
came rushing back. I was adamant that I
didn’t want to give DD formula. If I
couldn’t breastfeed, at least I could give her breast milk. I had given up dairy months prior, and it was
tough. I wasn’t sure I could do a
complete elimination diet. Of course, I
could do anything for my daughter, but would it really help? It would take weeks to find out. I began researching and begging God for
wisdom and discernment. Again, I needed
to lay aside what I wanted and do what was best for my daughter.
God
began dealing with me and exposing yet again my performance-based attitudes and
judgmental tendencies (ok, they were more than tendencies, but I was trying to
give myself grace). Not a day went by
that I didn’t collapse in tears, overcome by failure. The Lord was gracious to me in the midst of
all this and put wise family and friends around me. I eventually decided to try the
hypoallergenic formula so I could sustain my energy level to take care of my
sweet girl in the only way I knew how.
Every
time I gave her formula, I wanted to cry.
In my heart I just felt it wasn’t right, but if this was going to help
her, I’d do anything. Of course, she
hated the taste so I had to puree banana to add to it. It seemed to work, but the cycle
continued. For the first few days,
improvement seemed evident. But after
about 2 weeks, we were back to square one.
So the GI told us to try another formula. Again, slight improvement, and then back to
all the previous symptoms. We tried five
different formulas, all with the same results.
It was definitely not an allergy.
Back to breast milk we went.
Thankfully,
as DD got older, we were able to introduce more and more solids. She was hooked! A much bigger fan of the spoon than the
bottle, and I praised God!
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| Trying "solids" for the first time |
Through
all the formula changes, we began going to the feeding clinic weekly. We had an amazing therapist who, every week,
provided encouragement and new suggestions.
She helped not just with feeding but with sleeping, separation anxiety,
development, and socialization. I have
no doubt that the Lord strategically placed her in our lives. We would not have been able to get through
that time without her!
Another
blessing from the Lord during this time was my former battle buddy who was
faithful to call and text with me whenever I had questions about this reflux
journey we seemed to be on. Although our
girls differed in some of their symptoms, much of their behaviors were
identical. I remember texting this
friend numerous times to ask how I could get my daughter to sleep better, what
strategy to try when introducing solids but still trying to get her to drink
milk, and whether we should try a hypoallergenic formula, request an endoscopy,
etc. She will probably never know how
much she helped me during that time.
Her understanding and experience provided comfort when nothing else
seemed to help. The Lord is so faithful,
in the midst of hard times, to provide us with glimpses of hope, and to
ultimately bring us out of that difficult season.
Finally,
when DD was about 10 months old, eating table food and sleeping better, we
began to relax. The Lord was slowly
bringing us out of this craziness, and life started to regain its groove. There was no doubt this was the most
challenging season I had ever endured (beyond Ranger School, beyond
deployments). I constantly felt like I
was just barely keeping my head above water.
Yet through it all, the Lord never left me. He was faithful even when I was not. All the setbacks, all the pain and turmoil,
would serve a purpose. I’m still not
sure what that purpose is, but I am confident that the Lord who redeems my soul
will also redeem my failures and disappointments.
Joy
comes in the morning…
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