Of course, by this point Matt had already begun his training. This particular day he was in the field, and I could not even contact him to tell him what was happening. I remember lying on my floor in our newly rented apartment, clinging to our newly adopted dog, balling my eyes out and asking God why. Why was He letting this happen? Why couldn’t He supernaturally heal me? Why did He allow me to think that soon it would be fixed only to have my hopes dashed the day before? Why couldn’t I have found out earlier? Is God punishing me? What did I do to deserve this?
About a month later (yes, it can take that long with Tricare), I was finally able to get an appointment with a family practice doctor at the local Army hospital who could begin the process of setting up another surgery. Leave it to the Army medical community to be at their most insensitive. As I saw the male physician, he insisted on examining me, despite my explanations and sob story of what I had already been through. When he realized I was not lying, he tried to comfort me by saying, “at least it’s not cancer.” He then proceeded to put in a referral to the gynecologist but said it would take at least 10 days before I could expect to hear anything from them. Despite my tears and begging him to rush it, he refused, saying it wasn’t an emergency, and sent me on my way – a traumatized, weeping, inconsolable twenty-one year old newlywed.
But the great thing about the Lord is that no pain is ever wasted. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” Although I have been spared from heartache in much of my life, I do know what severe emotional pain feels life. As my mom likes to say – pain is personal. Whatever season you are in that involves suffering is personal and unique to you. But in my personal pain, I truly learned what it means to have a Savior who can comfort me like no one else. My husband, my mom, the doctors – despite their earnest endeavors – no one could make me feel better about this. The only One who could comfort me was the Lord. I can honestly say at my lowest point – lying on that carpet in Columbus, GA, begging God to take my life – I felt Him wrap His arms around me. This probably seems utterly ridiculous, but I felt His warmth spread through me as I clung to my sleepy Beagle-Bassett Hound. In the darkness, God is there, and He will bring the light of a new day if we will just hang on to Him.