Tuesday, April 12, 2016

All Good Things Must Come to an End...Even If You Don't Want Them To

Some seasons in our lives are amazing, and we don't want them to end. Some are more like winter, and we're glad when spring starts to poke through the layers of snow. In military life, this is no exception. When DH first started grad school, I wasn't so sure I would like this new "season" of our journey together. It was not as I expected. By the final semester though, we got in our groove, and despite the fact that we knew it would end when he graduated, I was still not quite ready for it.

We had an amazing summer with loads of quality family time - just what my heart needed! We traveled: Disney World, the beach, my parents' house. We stayed home, and I began volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center (in an attempt to obey the urgency God was placing in my heart - see last post). I was surprised by what God taught me.

All of that fun made time pass quickly and before I knew it, we were beginning the fall semester, and with that - the start of preschool. My 1st time mama heart was shaking with excitement, fears, anxieties, and the like. Tears were most definitely shed that 1st morning I dropped her off. I prayed for her constantly and tried to be one of the first ones in the car line. (Is my daughter seriously old enough to be in a car line?!) She had a great day, and I was instantly put at ease. 2 days a week of this schedule provided me just enough time to continue volunteering at the pregnancy center, grocery shop, and clean my house (DD hates the vacuum!) I began feeling like I had a life outside of just being a mom!

Also, DH began his final semester of grad school. His classes were challenging, as usual, but we seemed to find our routine a little easier and faster this time around.

I decided to stop attending CBS and go to my church's ladies' Bible study, which I instantly loved. The women were so warm and welcoming. They took time to get to know me, and we separated into groups of 4-5 women so I felt like I could really share my heart and life. It was just what I needed to feel more connected.

DH and I also began a small group at our church, which was an interesting experience. It definitely left us with a hunger to do more of this in our next place, preferably with military families. I was hopeful that we could spearhead something like that after we moved.

All in all, life felt well-balanced. I had been striving for that, and I felt as though we achieved it. Our schedule was busy but still allowed for down time. We were serving both in church and in the world. DD was learning and growing and being exposed to new environments. DH was working hard and juggling family time, hobbies, and trying to graduate with some not-so-easy project partners and some not very well-trained instructors, but of course, excelling regardless.

Things were, of course, not perfect. I found things to stress over, and God was working hard to break me of my control. I am trying to surrender...still. I felt that I had grown though, and I am grateful that He continues working on me and allowing me to see progress.

So just when things started to feel settled and "normal," this season had to end, and we had to move. I was left feeling discouraged and disappointed, thinking and planning, wondering how I would re-create this delicate balance at our next duty station. I knew it would be different, and it would not look the same way it did then. Would it be better? Worse? I wasn't sure. I wish I enjoyed the puzzle - trying to figure out how it's all going to look. The fact is, I just don't. So with this next move, as with all the others before it, I had to surrender and be patient, enjoy the present, and let God handle it. Easier said than done.

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