School Days...Sweet Relief

         Soon after Matt returned from his second deployment, we gladly PCSed to Ft. Gordon, Georgia – home of the signal corps.  This is where Matt would attend the FA 24 school and the Signal Career Course.  Yes, he is an Infantry officer, but just prior to his 2^nd deployment he realized he would rather try another aspect of the Army instead of the command-staff rotation of an Infantry officer.  FA 24 is the Functional Area for Telecommunications Systems Engineers.  Before this, I had never heard of a Functional Area despite my 20+ years experience with the Army (as a Brat and Spouse).  In case you, too, don’t know what it is, it’s a technical field in which you can choose to apply, provided it fits within your educational background.  Matt was a computer science major at West Point (aka genius!) so this fit perfectly.  Going to school for a year also meant no deployment, no field time, no TDY.  I was one happy girl when Matt told me he was accepted to the program!

         The move was stressful, however, as he didn’t get orders until 2 weeks before we had to move, and I was teaching right up until the day the movers came.  As you probably know, without orders, you can’t get a packing date.  When we finally did get them, they could only give us 1 day when we, in fact, needed 2.  This resulted in stolen property and damage to some of our household goods.  But you learn to not get too attached to your stuff while in the Army…

            Once we got to Ft. Gordon, we were really hoping a house on post would be available.  Sadly, it was not and would not be for several months.  Since we were only there a year, we wanted to get settled quickly.  We began looking for houses to rent while staying in a hotel with our dog.  Not so fun…

            Thankfully, despite my agonizing and tortured hours of worrying, we found a beautiful home to rent in a neighborhood not far from post that was within our BAH and accepted dogs.  We found having a dog severely limited our choices, but we wouldn’t give up our sweet Calvin for anything.  And we ended up getting what we wanted, even if it took a week (I know, not as long as some of you have waited, but however long you have to spend without your stuff is not a picnic.)

The beautiful house we rented

            I find that I don’t do well being “homeless.”  I don’t enjoy living in a hotel for more than a few days.  I especially don’t enjoy the house hunting ordeal, which is why I so often live on post when I can.  But I digress…

            Once we moved into our house, we immediately began looking for a church.  We knew we only had a year in Augusta so we wanted to get plugged in right away.  We looked online and began visiting around.  We attended a large Baptist church for several weeks, and I joined a women’s Bible study that was to last just a few weeks.  It was there that I met a sweet woman who told me about her church and invited me to come check it out.  Matt and I decided to try out their Wednesday night service which actually consisted of several different Bible studies.  When we got to the church, this sweet woman I had met a few weeks prior arrived at just the same time, showed us all around, and made several introductions in the Young Married’s class.  The teacher was an older southern gentleman and his sweet wife assisted.  They embraced us wholeheartedly, and Matt and I instantly fell in love with the class.  We had not had anything quite like that before, and it was very refreshing.  The next Sunday was Easter so we decided to attend the service, and from that point on, we made it our home church.

Our fun-loving Young Married's Class at a Christmas party

            Since we knew we were only going to be in Augusta for a year, I had decided not to teach but was hungry to do some other ministry as I had been able to do at our church before.  I started going to PWOC but didn’t really feel a calling to serve there.  However, I began to notice that our church had several military families in attendance, and many lived far away from post and thus did not go to PWOC.  After praying and talking to Matt, I was inspired to start a very casual military wives Bible study for the women at our church.  You see, Ft. Gordon is a unique post because 1) the town does not exist solely because of the base, and 2) all of the branches of the military (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines) can be assigned there for various reasons.  Knowing this meant that this Bible study would most likely not look like anything we did at Ft. Stewart, but it didn’t mean there shouldn’t be a Bible study for these wives.

            So Matt and I invited the pastor and his wife over to our house one evening for dessert.  We wanted to talk to them about serving opportunities in the church.  They were such dear people and were very eager to better serve the military families within the congregation.

            It took several months to finally get the Bible study going.  (And I must admit I was not very patient in the process because I knew I had such a short timeline before I moved again).  But as I am still learning, God’s timing is perfect and yet often looks nothing like mine.  It’s a very hard lesson for me…apparently.

Military Wives' Bible Study

            Nevertheless, we began a Monday mid-morning casual Bible study at Chick-Fil-A where children could play in the jungle gym and women could share prayer requests and read and discuss the book of Matthew.  The Lord brought amazing women to this group of all ages and backgrounds from retirees to newbies and all of us in between.  I would not have gotten to know these women had we done the study, and to this day, I am thankful for their friendship and what they taught me during that time.  Here I thought I was going to get so much out of “serving the Lord” when in reality, He brought me the bigger blessing as I learned from these women.  I am so thankful that in spite of my plans, God changes it up so that I am always surprised by the encouragement and enrichment He brings through others.

How to Thrive in a Deployment

         First, let me start off by apologizing for my long absence.  Since my last post, we have PCSed out west and have had a baby.  Life has been busy, and my time has not been my own, to say the least.  Regardless, I am going to try to catch you up as best I can, but please bear with me as it will take some time.  The following post picks up where the last one left off and details our 2nd deployment.  We are about to embark on our third deployment, and these words couldn't be more timely.

My family these days

How to Thrive in a Deployment…

            Don’t count the days.  Cherish every Skype date, phone call, and instant message.  Find a battle buddy and hang out regularly.  Strive to grow closer to the Lord during this time of separation.

            If you’re like me, nothing will bring you faster to your knees than your husband deploying.  Not just in prayer for his safety but as in, “Oh, God, how am I ever going to get through this?  I need You!”  It’s unfortunate that I don’t lean on Him more when my husband is home, but that is just the honest truth. 

            Many people will tell you that to survive a deployment you must stay busy.  While I agree that that is great advice, I think thriving during a deployment depends on what you stay busy doing.  There’s a great Christian song out there with the lyric, “worship while I’m waiting.”  I first heard it around the time of my husband’s second deployment, and it became my mantra.  Combine that with some very dear friends who were also going through a deployment, and we determined to serve the Lord throughout those 12 months in ways we might not have been able to when our husbands were home.

On my good days, I try to look at deployment as I look at every New Year – asking myself what I can do to grow closer to the Lord, to love my husband better, to make our marriage stronger. That way when I look back at the year and ask, “Am I closer to the Lord than I was at the beginning of the year? Is my marriage stronger?” I can answer yes! To answer those questions in the affirmative will probably look different for different people. But I will share what worked for me in this deployment. And in case you haven’t heard, every deployment is different so don’t expect things to work the same way in each one. And don’t think there still won’t be ups and downs. It’s 365 days – of course there will be some bad ones thrown in there. Like the kidney stone you get while visiting back home over Thanksgiving or the months it takes to get hired as a teacher or the knock on your door at 4 AM that makes you think the worst has happened but was just some random knock…

For me, this deployment started out in a hard place because I wasn’t very busy. I was just about to start subbing in the hopes that I would get hired as a full-time teacher, but there was no guarantee. So I decided I would use part of my time to work on my master’s degree in education. I chose to do it online as I had no idea where we would live after Matt returned and didn’t want to hassle with a transfer. Since I am a teacher, I love school (most of the time), and the idea of reading, writing, and studying excited me. Nerdy, I know, but it helped give some purpose and structure to my days. Routine is extremely important during deployment. Unfortunately, since it was an online program, it provided a lot of flexibility, and I found myself finishing a week’s worth of assignments in 3 days. I continued praying for more consistent sub jobs, and after a few months, I was hired as a full-time substitute in a 3^rd grade classroom with the hope that I would become the permanent teacher. Working full-time and completing my master’s degree certainly helped me to stay busy. However, as I mentioned previously – it matters a great deal with what you are staying busy. Despite all the academia and things I loved, I still felt empty going home at night. Thankfully, Matt was able to Skype almost daily when I returned from work, but after we said goodbye, that inevitable ache would set in. (And before I go any further, let me just say that ache never left, but it did ease as I got busy worshipping.)

The school where I worked

 

As fall began to turn into winter, one of those precious friends of mine (my battle buddy, in fact) brainstormed to me one evening of how great it would be to have a Bible study for us military wives. I agreed that would be wonderful, but was skeptical we could have something that great at our church. Then this sweet friend of mine had the brilliant idea to hold a Valentine’s Dinner for wives of deployed soldiers in which they could be served a meal, listen to music, and hear an inspirational speaker who had walked in their shoes, all with free childcare. We became so excited about the idea, we mentioned it to our community group leader who instantly jumped on board. Before I knew it, we were in full-on planning mode. I began to think of seasoned Army wives I had met through my years as an Army brat, and we began to formulate a serious plan. All through the holidays we began sketching out ideas, contacting speakers, and watching as one inspired Army wife’s idea came to fruition. I would be remiss if I didn’t confess that Christmas was still very hard without my husband, but what a difference it made to feel I had some purpose. Not only that but we decided to launch a Bible study for military wives beginning the week after the dinner. The only hard part was finding someone to teach it.

Battle buddy and me during one of our brainstorming sessions...maybe

 

My sweet friend and I desperately wanted someone older and wiser who had walked this road several times before to be the one. We had a few people in mind, but when we asked, they turned us down for various reasons. After much prayer and deliberation, we discovered the dear woman who already taught a ladies’ Bible study at our church was the mother of a Marine. While it wasn’t quite the same as a wife, we could not resist this woman’s gentle nature and knew her nurturing spirit would be just what we all needed. We agreed that she and I would co-lead. That way, the women would still get a wife’s perspective (though I felt terribly inept only having been married a few years, a 6 month deployment in my history, and no children). Not only that, but the only Bible studies I had taught were to middle or high school girls. However, this precious friend of mine along with this kind-hearted seasoned Bible study teacher assured me it would be fine. So in the midst of planning the big event, we also began preparing to lead a Bible study by Sara Horn called Hope for the Homefront.

Bible study book

The Valentine’s Dinner was a huge success with over 200 women in attendance! Though it was not without loads of stress, traveling delays for our out-of-town speaker, and those pesky people problems, it was without a doubt, one of the biggest displays of God’s awesome handiwork that I had yet to see. We were overwhelmed and overjoyed! The people of our church did a magnificent job pulling it all together – from the cooking of the delicious meal, to the decorating of the beautiful tables, to the free childcare, to the men decked out in suits serving the women. The speaker was phenomenal with just the right mix of humor and heart-rending sincerity. Women were touched and signed up for the upcoming Bible study in droves. It was amazing! That night driving the 30 minutes back to my quarters, I knew I had been a part of something huge – something that would have been difficult to accomplish if Matt were home – something the Lord had prepared for me in advance to do (Eph. 2:10). I was worshipping while I waited.

The Valentine's Dinner at our church

And this pattern continued as the Bible study began. Thankfully, my sweet mentor agreed to take the first 2 weeks, and with such a large group we split into smaller discussion groups to encourage intimacy and openness. Women from all backgrounds came, and while they did not all stick with the entire study, many did. Some did not even attend our church or any church for that matter but were faithful to come to the study. Through those weeks of study, I was stretched way beyond my comfort zone, but I felt my life was so much fuller. I desperately missed my husband and wished more than anything that he could see all of this unfold, but I had a peace that we were both doing what God had called us to do for that moment in time.

Bible Study

Like I said, it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies. There were times (often) in the midst of doing what I felt called to do that I would fail and despair over my mistakes. It would take days, sometimes weeks, for me to rebound. I felt it was much harder to move on without my sweet, optimistic, encouraging husband at home to always pick me back up. Of course, the Lord used these times as well to remind me that I was putting too much on my husband when I needed to lean on Him instead. They were hard moments indeed, but moments when I again, had to learn to worship while I waited.

To sum up, thriving in a deployment does not mean that you are always happy or always busy. It means that you are worshipping the Lord through the ups and downs, the good and bad, the busy and the boring. It means that you continue working on your marriage – not just putting it on pause for a year. Yes, that means you have to be a little more creative, but it is, I believe, part of worshipping – to inject life into a very holy institution during what can be a very dry time.

So whatever the next separation or deployment looks like for you, I hope you will join me in seeking out ways to thrive – to worship.

Where is the Good in Goodbye?

       About 3 days leading up to Matt’s actual deployment date, we were still trying to make the most of every moment.  Yet in the midst of that, duty called.  Although I wasn’t working, Matt was busy getting last minute preparations together for the General, including shipping his car and packing his small house where he lived as a geographical bachelor.  While it is difficult to think of anything else during this time and not get your feelings hurt over the smallest thing, I was reminded of God’s purpose.  He knows what is best for us always.  Even though I would not have chosen for Matt’s last day to be spent moving someone else, God knew that we needed to stay busy.  Had he been given the day off, he and I would have undoubtedly spent it together.  However, I would have been in tears and unable to do much of anything besides mope.  That is NOT how I wanted my husband to think of me for the next year.  That’s not to say that I didn’t cry that night before he left, but I also resolved to enjoy the time with him.

            The next day – a Saturday clouded over and drizzling with rain – Matt and I drove over to his company area to begin the long process of saying goodbye for a year.  Last deployment, this took the whole day.  Matt told me that things should move a little faster since he was traveling with the General.  Sure enough, he signed out his weapon at the company area, we waited a few minutes with the General’s Personal Security Detachment guys and their families, as well as the Engagement Officer until their Blackberries started to ring.  The guys were instructed to pick up the General directly from his office and leave from there.  While this was very different from how the 1^st deployment went, I was somewhat relieved.  I wouldn’t have to wait with all the hundreds of families watching their tearful goodbyes as children clung to their dads and asked their moms why they had to go.  Nothing breaks your heart quite like that! 

            Instead, Matt and I said goodbye in a parking lot in front of black Suburban’s instead of those awful white buses.  Although we’d been preparing for this moment for weeks, I still felt like it caught me off guard.  “Wait, we’re saying goodbye now?”  Matt smiled and kissed me, promised he would call as soon as he could, and hopped into the Suburban.  I watched them drive off, tears streaming down my face, my heart unbearably heavy, and headed home feeling like I’d been run over by a Mack truck.  I was glad the goodbye was over but desperately wanted my husband to come back.  Yet when I walked into my dark, echoingly empty house, I couldn’t help but smile.  Yet again, Matt had packed his bags at the last minute and left our house in an undisputable mess.  I have found that cleaning is one way I cope, so I instantly began to clear the clutter, wiping away my tears, glad for a task to complete.  I couldn’t help but smile thanking God for giving me a mess to clean when I needed to do something productive.  Funny what we find to be thankful for in the midst of hard circumstances.  Lest you think that was the end of my meltdown, read on.

            After the mess was clean, sadness engulfed me anew as I thought, “it’ll be a year until my husband is home, leaving messes for me to clean up.”  What I wouldn’t give for him to make a pile of Army equipment in our living room!  But having learned that if I let myself cry for too long I would not only get a headache but would have a much harder time digging out of the depths, I gave myself a time limit in which to be sad.  I cried for about 30 minutes, then called my mom who always knows the right thing to say, then I spent some time reading God’s Word and asking Him to carry me through this deployment.  With 365 long days stretching out before me, I asked Him to help me not count the days but to make the days count.  What that would look like, I had no idea, and I honestly didn’t know if I was up for the challenge.  But as always, God is faithful, and He sustained me in that deployment.  He helped me thrive instead of just survive.  (More on that in the posts to come!)

            So while I struggled to find the good in goodbye, God stood by my side, whispering in my ear that in this too, He would bring good (Romans 8:28).  No matter what goodbye you are facing today – whether it’s a husband going off to war, a child leaving for college, friends as you PCS once again, or an old pattern of behavior, know that God is with you.  And one of the best things about Him is He will never say goodbye!

Pre Deployment Battles...in your Mind

       In the weeks leading up to Matt’s second deployment, my mind covered a lot of ground with its various musings and questions of “what if.”  No military wife faces a deployment without wondering if her husband will come back, if he’ll be the same person as when he left, if they will be able to weather the toll a deployment takes on a marriage and family.  There are nightmares and arguments, with self and spouse, over (often) the most petty and trivial of matters - so much so that you don’t even know why you are fighting but can’t seem to stop. 

        Then on top of all of that, there’s the most driving force: to soak up every moment you can and make as many memories as possible to hold you over until the time when you are together again.  Most of the time, the military recognizes this and gives the service member block leave.  However, since Matt recently changed jobs and his deployment window moved up considerably, we didn’t get this chance.  Rather than being bitter about that, Matt reminded me that I wasn’t working.  While in a lot of ways, I did not appreciate this fact, the truth is, it did enable me to spend any and all time with Matt that was available.  Sometimes that meant ten minutes mid-morning when he stopped by the house to pick up a different uniform or staying up at night to talk when he got home from a late-night meeting.  Had I been working, 9 PM would have been as late as I could go.  Thankfully, as always, the Lord sees the big picture and knows exactly what we need when we need it.  (This is a recurring lesson in my life so obviously I haven’t fully gotten it yet, but more on that later.)

            So just prior to deployment #2, Matt and I tried to make the most of our time together while still trying to maintain a sense of normalcy.  Since it was fall, we decided to carve pumpkins together one weekend, even though he would leave well before Halloween.  While Matt did all the work, I encouraged and directed, suggesting we use our dog for inspiration.  The results were amazing (if I can just brag on my husband’s talent for a moment)!  It was a fun weekend activity that did just the trick – it made an impression on our hearts and minds of sweet moments spent together.  Might I suggest that for those of you in this situation, you take time to do these “smaller” activities?  It doesn’t always take a big trip or an extravagant vacation to make an impact.  Sometimes it’s the little things that make the biggest difference, especially for a girl like me who loves her holidays.

            One of the positive things about deployments is that they make you re-evaluate your life.  You appreciate the small, seemingly insignificant things so much more. Lingering over a kiss when your husband leaves for the day takes on a whole new meaning when you know you won’t be able to do it for an entire year.  Slowing down to appreciate those things is something we could all stand to do a little more often.

            And since I mentioned slowing down, if you’ve ever experienced a deployment you know, time seems to go in slow-motion the week or two prior to D-day.  You’d think this was a good thing, but most of the time, it isn’t.  Never do you have an exact departure date; it’s more a window of time, like between the 5^th and 7^th of October, for instance.  And if you haven’t experienced this, trust me, when it’s the 2^nd, and you still don’t know if you’re saying goodbye in 3 days or 5, it can drive you crazy.  Both you and your husband begin to want the time to speed up, to just get the goodbye over with.  There’s such buildup and waiting, you can no longer enjoy the time you have left.  He’s still working regular hours, if not longer at this point, and you’re just thinking, “Man, I wish I could spend time with him, but I also wish the beginning of this deployment would just be over!”  Needless to say, it’s an incredibly stressful time.

            Quite honestly, I’m not sure how people handle it without the Lord.  Matt and I know that deployments are hard, and most of the time, you don’t even know what you’re up against at the time.  There’s no way of predicting the types of challenges and obstacles you will face when you’re apart.  The only thing you do know is that God is the One holding the marriage together, holding you together.  Without that assurance, you can literally lose your mind allowing fear, doubt, worry, and mistrust to take over.  The only solution is to rely on God and renew your mind.  Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing, and perfect will.”  Which means that when those thoughts come in to your mind (and they will – whether you are a Christian or not), you have to replace them with truth.  The ultimate source of truth is God, and what better place to find truth than in His Word.  So during a deployment – whether it’s not even started, 3 months in, or days before reunion – you must discipline yourself to remove the fears and doubts and replace them with truth.  Truth like, God is in control and No. Matter. What. Happens. You can’t be separated from His love (Romans 8:35, 38).  Deployments, and especially the weeks preceding them, will wreak havoc on your mind, if you let it.

            I wish I could tell you that I am a pro at this and don’t struggle at all to remove fear and doubt from my life.  But as I write this, I know I have a VERY long way to go.  Lest you think I’ve got it all figured out, let me let you in on a little secret.  When I sit down to reflect on these seasons of my life and explain what God has taught me, those lessons aren’t always readily apparent.  It’s often not until my pencil hits the page that God shows me the lessons I should have learned then and need to continue practicing now.  So thanks for letting me write and remind myself of how I should be living.  Maybe by writing about it, I’ll be more likely to do it!

The Call that Changed It All...

         Once I had established my new plan to follow God’s will for me even if it didn’t meet my former expectations, life went pretty smoothly.  That is until one night when Matt’s cell phone rang.

            It was not unusual for Matt to get a call any time of the day or night since he joined the Army.  It was just annoying when it rang at an inconvenient time.  Since Matt no longer had numerous soldiers directly under him, we wondered who would need something at 9 o’clock at night.  We soon found out.

            I remember listening to Matt as he first answered the phone and proceeded to respond to the caller’s questions.  I was trying to piece together what this could be about, but to no avail.  When I asked him who it was, he mouthed back the answer, but I couldn’t make sense of it and gave up.  I merely watched him as he paced around the room fidgeting with papers and anything else that crossed his path.

            Since his tone carried a surprised quality to it, I was anxious for him to get off the phone and tell me what was happening.  I reminded myself patience is a virtue.  About 15 minutes after the initial ring, my inquiring mind was finally laid to rest when Matt sat next to me on the couch and explained what happened.

            He immediately told me that it was a fellow platoon leader from his first deployment calling to see if he would be interested in the Aide-de-Camp position for the DCG-M.  This buddy of his was now the Engagement Officer for the BG and recommended Matt to be his new aide.  At this point, I asked a lot of questions like, “Is an Aide-de-Camp anything like a normal aide?” and “What the heck is a DCG-M?”  Matt patiently answered my questions with “Yes, an aide is someone who assists the General with his duties.” And “DCG-M stands for Deputy Commanding General of Maneuvers, which means he is the deputy to the Commanding General over all of Fort Stewart.”  Ahhhh.

            “Wow!”  Was all I could think.  Matt quickly told me he didn’t want to be the aide and was happy as the battalion S-4.  Nevertheless, his friend told him to talk to the battalion staff because the General wanted Matt to come in over the next few days for an interview.

            After filling me in on some more details, Matt then called the battalion XO – his boss – to inform him of this development.  The major was not happy to hear they could be losing their S-4 so close to the deployment.  Matt reassured him his loyalty lay with the battalion, and he had no desire to leave.  The XO was relieved but told Matt he would need to call the Battalion Commander.

            When Matt got off the phone, he continued pacing while I sat on the couch in shock.  Is this how jobs are changed in the military?  One minute you are happy working in the S-4 shop, the next you get a call from your buddy asking you to interview for a prestigious position?  This was certainly not what I was used to growing up an Army brat.  Who knew you could get a phone call at 9 o’clock at night and your life change instantly?

            Soon the Battalion Commander called Matt, echoing his XO’s sentiments that they didn’t want to lose Matt.  However, he quickly added that Matt should go to the interview and proudly represent their battalion.  Matt confirmed he would and hung up.

            When he told me the conclusion, I asked him how he felt about it, not knowing how I felt about it myself.  He said he was of course flattered and honored to be considered but was pretty sure he did not want nor would he get the job.  We agreed that we would just pray for God to have His way and see what happens.

            Within approximately one week, Matt interviewed with the General and was offered the job, at which point he accepted.  (In case you aren’t familiar with the military, that’s how it works.  You don’t say no to a General).  As the idea sunk in and Matt’s unit gave their congratulations and reluctant acceptance, Matt and I were excited by this new prospect.  We knew it would be a great experience for Matt, and that he would have an entirely different deployment as a result.  However, with the job change came some other big changes.

            First, Matt was issued a Blackberry, on which he received 100 times the amount of calls he ever received on his personal cell phone.  Second, his hours increased late into the night and over weekends.  Third, he traveled more frequently – whether it was to D.C. just for the day or Ft. Irwin for two weeks.  Fourth, and the biggest of the changes, his deployment date was moved up by 6 weeks!  No longer was he deploying in late November/early December.  Now, he would deploy the beginning of October – a mere 2 months away!

            A whirlwind of emotions captured my heart.  I was overwhelmed with pride for my husband, anxiety over the upcoming deployment, and fear that it would be a long, lonely year without my husband, starting much sooner than I was prepared.

            So what does a military wife do when she finds out the season of deployment is coming at her much more quickly than expected?  Well, I don’t know what most women do, but I cried.  Yet there was my sweet husband next to me reassuring me this was God’s plan – just like we asked.  Then he said, “The sooner I leave, the sooner I get back!”  That phrase rang over and over in my head.  My optimistic husband was right.  If he left in October, that would of course mean he would miss Christmas that year.  But, it would also guarantee that he’d be home for Christmas the next year.  If he left with his previous brigade, he’d leave in December with no reassurance that he wouldn’t miss two Christmases right in a row.

            So I sighed, wiped away my tears, and resolved to think positively.  I chose to be happy for my husband and embrace the meaning of Philippians 4:8, which says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” 

While it wasn’t always easy, it was possible only when I relied on God to change my thoughts.  If I let myself have a pity party (which I did on more than one occasion) it was much more difficult to focus on the good.  But if I prayed and asked God to give me His eyes, I would see a splinter of hope, a small reason to be thankful.  Soon that led to another and another.  Before I knew it, practicing Philippians 4:8 became a daily goal.  I still struggle to dwell on what is noble, right, true, and lovely, but when I succeed, I always receive a blessing.  Sometimes I just need to re-frame my situation, refresh my vision, and relish in God’s plan for me.

Expectations

      As the summer of 2009 began drawing to a close, I grew more and more anxious about a teaching job.  I still had not heard anything.  I called DODEA, emailed with some of the principals on post, and continued to wait.  It was a rollercoaster of emotion.  One day I’d receive an email from a principal asking if I was interested in a possible interview.  The next day I’d find out I didn’t make the list of candidates from which DODEA hires.  It was very difficult to go from adrenaline pumping excitement to devastating disappointment.  However, despite the ups and downs, I knew God was in control and He would sustain me no matter what.  Or at least, that’s what I was telling myself…

            In the light of my recent lesson – to live an abundant life despite my circumstances – I thought I had learned a lot and would be okay.  Even though the school year had already started, and I still didn’t have a teaching job, I looked for ways to stay busy.  After all, that’s always the advice I received about deployments – stay as busy as you possibly can.  Knowing the deployment would get here sooner than I wanted, I strove to find an acceptable routine to my days so it would already be established once Matt left.  However, I still struggled.  I cried, begged God to give me a job, and constantly asked “why” when things didn’t seem to go my way.  Eventually, I had to surrender my expectations.  See, I had expected to have a teaching job by the time the school year rolled around.  When it didn’t happen, I was upset, angry, and miserable.  It wasn’t until I relinquished my “plan” and adapted my expectation that life got a little easier. 

            After discussing it with Matt, I decided to call the university and start my master’s program a few months earlier than originally planned.  I knew deadlines and assignments would give me some purpose to my days and a schedule to my hours.  I also submitted an application to substitute on post.  Since I knew from experience this could take a while to process, I asked one of the schools if I could just come in and volunteer.  They were more than willing to put me to work.  In addition, PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) started, and I attended faithfully, meeting new people and relishing the fact that three or four hours of that day were spent outside the house. 

            In fact, it was at PWOC that I met 2 women who would be faithful friends through the deployment.  One had taught with me at my first school and subsequently taught on post (where I was attempting to gain employment).  When she had her son, she stopped teaching and thus was able to be at PWOC, and we re-connected.  The other friend I met had a similar situation to mine in that she was not working and did not yet have children.  She and I talked one day after Bible study when we realized we knew some of the same people.  Later we met at Starbucks and almost immediately developed a heart-to-heart bond.  Both of these women had husbands in the same brigade who would deploy around the same time as Matt.  I began to see the Lord’s hand at work!

My joyful, sweet friend Maggie with her adorable son

My sweet, wonderful friend Amy

            It’s amazing how our own expectations can sometimes be our worst enemy.  This is especially true if you are a planner like me.  It’s often not until we surrender our idea of what life should look like that we receive the blessing the Lord has in store for us.  Had I held on to my own plans and expectations, I would have missed deep, meaningful, heart-enriching friendships.  I also would have missed out on extra time with my husband before he deployed.  I realized that by not working during this particular season, I would be able to spend more time with Matt through all of block leave.  I wouldn’t have to worry about taking time off and preparing sub plans just to be with him before he deployed.  Clearly, the Lord’s plans are better than mine.  I simply have to trust Him that this is true.  After all, He can see the big picture.  My perspective is limited – only seeing what is right in front of me.  So if instead of fighting against God because He didn’t give me what I wanted, I look for ways He is going to meet me in this time, I will save myself a lot of tears and wasted emotion. 

If only I could be more like Ruth.  I’m sure she didn’t expect her husband to die, leaving her childless, and then feel a call to go with her mother-in-law to a foreign country, leaving behind all that was familiar to her.  I’m sure she didn’t expect to marry again or have children.  She might have, but surely she didn’t initially want an older man from this foreign country.  Yet, she followed God.  We don’t know if she cried and asked God why.  We only know how she obeyed and adapted to what God had for her.  As military wives, our lives change frequently, and we are called to be flexible.  So often we pick up and start over again in a new place but how quick are we to change our expectations?

How much more pleasing to God would we be if we took after Ruth, held our lives with an open palm, and say, “God, your way is higher than mine, but I know You have a plan.  Help me to see it and show me what to do to bring You glory.”  Then maybe our expectations will match the Lord’s plan for our life.  Maybe not.  But either way, our hearts and attitudes will be more in line with His.  And when He asks us to change course, it’ll be a little easier to relinquish control and say, “not my will, but Yours.”

Field Time and How I Keep from Going Insane

        In the summer of 2009, Matt received his promotion to Captain and was re-assigned to the battalion level as the S-4.  With this new job came a change in FRGs, as we now fell under HQ Company.  I enjoyed the larger, more diverse group and quickly signed on as a key caller.  As it was the summer, I was not working and therefore had lots of time.  Coincidentally, I was looking for a new teaching job as I had left my previous school.  My heart’s desire was to work on post, near our house, and enjoy the benefits of working in the DODEA system.  Since I had already submitted my application, all that was left for me to do was wait.  Needless to say, my days were filled with a lot of nothing.

            Meanwhile, Matt’s summer was anything but slow.  His hours continued to be long, especially while learning the new job.  However, he had a much more amiable boss which was a breath of fresh air for both of us.  One of his most interesting tasks as S4 was to gather supplies for a training exercise involving several units who practiced war-fighting tactics in a mock-up version of an Iraqi town.

            I remember one weekend Matt came home with a shopping list of bizarre items necessary for this event - items such as long-hair wigs, plastic baby dolls, rugs, fake food, and tires.  My mind couldn’t possibly understand this combination of supplies.  However, Matt quickly explained that some of the units would take on the role of Iraqi townspeople, sheiks, and mayors to complete the experience for the units practicing their missions.  Thus, he needed wigs to help these Infantry men with their high-and-tights look a little more like Arab men and women.  He explained away the rest of the list as props that would be used in Iraqi homes which the soldiers would search for militant extremists and their weapons.

            Since I was eager to help out (and cure my boredom), I accompanied Matt on his quest to find this curious mix of odds and ends.  When Matt asked me where in Hinesville we could find wigs, I laughed and said, “How should I know?”  Then, I got an inspired idea (or so I thought).  In my jaunts around town, I remembered noticing a hair supply store.  When I suggested we look there, Matt was not so sure.  However, after searching Wal-Mart (where we looked for Halloween-esque wigs in mid-June), the Dollar Store (where all they had were pink wigs designed for little girls playing dress-up), and the PX (where the closet thing was a hair net), Matt finally gave in.

            So we traipsed over to Liberty Square, looking for suitable hair pieces.  When we entered the shop, we were overwhelmed with all the choices.  All along the perimeter of the room sat mannequins with any and all kinds of color, cut, and style of wig.  The only people in the store were African American women who eyed me and my red-headed husband quizzically (to say the least).

            Matt and I looked around (trying to blend in), attempting to figure out first, how much they cost, and second, how to purchase them.  Do you just take them off the mannequin and carry them up to the register?  We had no idea!

            Although Matt was ready to leave as soon as we came in, he eventually agreed to buy 2 or 3.  Despite being more expensive than we thought, he didn’t want to waste more of the day driving to Savannah searching for wigs, nor did he want to return to work empty-handed. 

            When we found a saleswoman and explained why we needed them, she raised an eyebrow but quickly rang us up and sent us on our way.  I died laughing all the way home while Matt, on the other hand, tried to resist his gag reflex.  He was desperate to hand over the wigs to the “actors” as soon as possible.  Apparently what I considered a fun part of his new job simply turned his stomach!

            Not long after our shopping adventures, Matt was, of course, required to participate in the training exercise.  This meant field time – how I dreaded it!  Field time (at least in the Infantry) means Matt spends long weeks camped outside (often miles from post proper) with minimal, if any, phone calls home.  Not being able to see or talk to my husband always makes me crazy.  I hate it!  Needless to say, field time isn’t my favorite part of Army life.

            It turns out that virtually the entire summer Matt was in the field preparing for NTC and the next deployment.  As the S4, he had to go early, prior to the rest of the battalion, to scope it out and lay the groundwork for the unit’s training there.  So even though his battalion wouldn’t go until September, Matt had to go set up in July.

            While I did not get to talk to Matt much while he was in the field, communication improved slightly when he went to Ft. Irwin (aka NTC Land).  During our time apart, I struggled with worry and fear of the unknown.  Since I wasn’t working and didn’t yet have a job prospect for the fall, I felt like I was getting a taste of what the next deployment would be like if I remained unemployed.  I didn’t like it!  I quickly fell into a pit, wrapped my whole life around what Matt was doing, and emotionally wilted…frequently.  I knew this could not continue. 

            Thus, I began looking into graduate school.  Matt encouraged me to pursue it, knowing it would help my frame of mind.  While I did not really want to go back to school, I knew it would count towards renewing my teaching certificate and would give me some purpose to my days.  I researched schools that offered the program I wanted, found out how long it would take me to complete, and what kind of financial aid I could receive as an Army wife.  Soon I called the university, began the application process, and registered for the start of the New Year, after Matt would have already left for Iraq.

            During this time, I also took a trip to see my parents.  Although I missed having Matt with me, it was good to have a change of scene and spend time with my family.  I was able to celebrate my mom’s birthday with her, in person, on the actual date (something that doesn’t happen frequently).  I also went with my parents to a wedding for one of my dad’s golf buddies.  I missed Matt a ton, but I knew missing him there was better than missing him at home by myself.

            It was during this season of my life that the Lord showed me how to enjoy life even when I wasn’t with my husband.  Prior to this (and sometimes even now), I fall into the trap of thinking we can’t be happy unless we’re together.  This is simply not true.  While we are certainly happier when we are together, that doesn’t mean we have to be miserable apart.  Jesus says, “I came that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10b).  He doesn’t say I will have a full life only when I’m with the one I love.  If I believe that, I am once again putting my husband before God.  I have to constantly shift my perspective and remember God is the only One who can meet all my needs.  While my husband makes me happy, it is my Savior that makes me joyful.  I must be careful not to confuse the two.

            During that summer, I learned a little better how to trust God in spite of my worry and how to take charge of my life to make it meaningful.  No one ever told me I had to stay at home, be miserable, and bemoan the fact that my husband was off training somewhere.  Instead, I could make the choice to fill my time with visits to family, plans to continue my education, and consistent efforts to obtain a job.  It’s a choice I had to make: whether or not I would trust God to meet my needs and have faith that He would do it.  It’s a choice I still make, regardless of my circumstance.  God promises me an abundant life – will I make the choice to obey Him and reap the reward?